


A Sexual Realization

by 989fox989



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Asexuality, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Canon Relationships, Implied Relationships, Other, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, sexual fantasies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:35:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25922938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/989fox989/pseuds/989fox989
Summary: Eridan and Nepeta get into an argument, some things are said and realizations are made.A slightly different take on Eridan Ampora.
Relationships: Eridan Ampora & Kanaya Maryam, Eridan Ampora & Nepeta Leijon, Eridan Ampora/Kanaya Maryam, Eridan Ampora/Nepeta Leijon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	A Sexual Realization

Nepeta Leijon walks through a corridor on a lab on a meteor when-- OH SHIT IT'S THAT ASSHOLE

"Hey Nep"

_Oh, Gog I hate him so much,_ Nepeta thinks to herself.

"Leave me alone Ampurra." She says

"Come on, is that any way to talk to a friend. I saved your fuckin life you know, least you could do is thank me."

"Ewww, no no no! I know what you mean by 'thanks'!" Nepeta sticks out her tongue and gags to emphasize how gross she thinks Eridan is.

He raises an eyebrow at her, "Whatever, I don't fuckin need this. I'll just find someone else who appreciates me." He walks away from her.

"No one appreciates you, Ampurra. Do you know why? It's beclaws you're a purrvert who only cares about getting in pants and filling pails."

he stops and turns around, "what the fuck are you talking about?"

"I know all about you, you tried to have sex with Feferi, she turned you down and now you're looking for someone else who wants to screw you. Which is no one."

"I never wanted to fuck Fef, what are you talking about?"

"Don't lie, I know you do, everyone knows."

"I mean, maybe eventually," Eridan noticed Nepeta give a knowing nod, "why the fuck would I want to have sex? We weren't even in a concupiscent relationship?"

"Yeah, which is why you wanted to be her matesprit, so she'd fuck you."

"Uh, no, I wanted it because I was lonely and I loved her."

"right, and you being sexually attracted to her had nothing to do with it," Nepeta comments sarcastically.

"I'm not sexually attracted to her. Why would I be? We never even entered a relationship."

"What are you talking about?” Nepeta asks, “You can be sexually attracted to someone who you aren't in a relationship with. Emphahiss on you."

"Don't be a wriggler, Nep. If you had any real experience outside of dumb movies and TV shows you'd know that's just a Trollywood myth."

"No? I don't even have a TV in my hive. I just, you know… know that it's pawsible."

"Bullshit," Eridan scoffs, "you're just making shit up because you have no real experience."

"I… I don't have any experience being in matespritship or a hissmesis, but that's how I know. Beclaws there are, you know… trolls that I… you know… am attracted to." She pulls off her hat and fiddles with it.

Eridan rolls his eyes, "no there aren't. You've never been in a relationship so you don't know what it actually feels like to be sexually attracted to someone. You're just conflating it with some other emotion."

"Oh really," Nepeta counters, "then tell me, just what does sexual attraction _really_ feel like." Nepeta rolls her own eyes, two can play at that game.

"I don't know, Nep, that's my point. I've never been in a relationship long enough to feel it, but at least I'm not a delusional wriggler like you."

"If you've never felt it, how do you know that what I'm feeling isn't it, dumbass?"

"Because you’ve never even been in a relationship, oh my cod. Fine, indulge me, tell me what these dumb feelings of yours feel like, and I'll tell you why you're wrong."

"No," says Nepeta, "I'm not talking about this. This is probably some dumb trick." She turns around and walks away.

"If you concede, it means I win, Nep. It means your feelings are fucking dumb and mine aren't." He called out.

Nepeta turns on the spot and glares at him, "Oh my furricking Gog, Eridan, this is dumb! There are certain trolls who I want to have sex with! I get all tingly when I think of them! Sometimes I fantasize that he and I are alone together, and I rub his little horns, and he breathes my name and why the _FUCK_ am I talking about this!?"

"Holy shit, Nep, and you called me a 'purrvert'."

Nepeta's face turns olive green, "alright, fuck you Eridan, you got me to say some weird shit aloud, did that get your dumb rocks off? ‘AC is fucking done with this’, *she huffs and turns away*" Nepeta narrates as she leaves.

"I mean it's cool that you care enough to come up with an elaborate and embarrassing lie like that--"

"It's not a lie Eridan, it's… what the hell do you want from me?"

"I don't know," he shrugs, "the truth I guess. And I guess I got it. You don't know shit so you made up something about wanting to have sex with Kar to shut me up. That or you're some weird deviant who just wants to have sex with whoever for some reason."

"It's not made up," Nepeta struggles to understand what the heck is going on in Eridan's head. Is he messing with her with some dumb and elaborate prank, or was it something else…?

"And, that fantasy wasn't about Karcat, I don't _WHY_ you would think that," Nepeta hastily continues as she turns back around, "also, I'm not a deviant, I'm pretty sure most trolls fantasize about having sex with others."

"pffff, yeah right," says Eridan rolling his eyes yet again, "I'm calling your bluff." He pulls out his laptop, "I'm gonna text some people and none of them are gonna agree with your dumb lie."

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling carcinoGenetecist [CG]  
CA: hey kar  
CG: WHAT, DO YOU HAVE MORE RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS?  
CA: something like that  
CA: just curious about you and ter  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT US?  
CA: i mean you lovve her or hate her or wwhatevver  
CA: but obvviously you dont wwant to fuck her  
CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU IMPLYING, ERIDAN?  
CG: OF *COURSE* I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HER, THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP.  
CG: NOT THE WHOLE POINT, BUT LIKE HALF THE POINT? QUARTER? GOG DAMMIT PAST ME, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?  
CG: ANYWAYS IF YOU THINK EITHER OF US WOULD BE OKAY WITH YOU FUCKING HER IN MY STEAD,  
CG: THEN THAT'S SCUMMY, EVEN FOR YOU.  
CA: wwhat no  
CA: im motivvated purely by empiricism  
CA: for the sake of knowwledge howw long havve you wwanted to fuck her  
CG: I DON'T KNOW? SINCE I SAW HER AND STARTED TALKING TO HER I GUESS?  
CA: kay but thats it right   
CA: you dont wwant to have sex wwith anyone else  
CG: FUCK DUDE ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH ME? TAKE A HINT, I DON'T WANT TO FUCK YOU.  
CA: wwhat no im just curious  
CA: ter is the only one youre into  
CG: PRETTY MUCH, I GUESS? HAVE I SUFFICIENTLY SATED YOUR DUMBASS CURIOSITY?  
CA: pretty much  
CA: you dont sound sure  
CA: is there someone else  
CA: and before you jump to conclusions im not talking about myself  
CG: I MEAN SURE I'VE HAD FANTASIES ABOUT A FEW OTHERS, BUT WHO THE FUCK HASN'T?  
CA: fantasies  
CA: sexual fantasies  
CG: YES DUMBASS.  
CA: man fuck off

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]  
CA: vvris wwhen wwe dated wwere you sexually attracted to me  
AG: hahahahahahahaha what the fuck?  
CA: also before wwe dated  
CA: especially before actually  
AG: pft, as dum8 as it sounds, yeah I guess you made me cream my pants or wh8tever. 8ut not anymore :::;)  
CA: wwait wwhy not anymore  
AG: cause you’re so pathetic, it’s a huge turnoff. You’re not at all lika8le 8ut you’re too 8oring to h8 either.   
AG: why you asking? Must be because you still want a piece of me.  
AG: I mean who doesn’t????????  
AG: 8ut I’ve already set my sights on two much 8etter and sexier dudes then you’ll ever 8e.  
CA: i wwasnt really evver attracted to you vvris  
AG: Suuuuuuuure you weren’t  
CA: i mean i hated you  
CA: and wwe had some good times beating each other up but that wwas it  
AG: Acting like you don’t care a8out me isn’t going to make me care a8out you, dum8ass. I’m a little more complicated than that.  
CA: wwhatevver  
CA: so these twwo dudes  
CA: wwho are they  
CA: like tavv and  
CA: i dont knoww   
CA: kan?  
CA: but you said dudes so  
CA: yeah im drawwing a blank  
CA: point is  
CA: are you sexually attracted to either of them  
AG: Oh my Gooooooood, you are such a dum8ass!  
CA: fuckin  
CA: are you sexually attracted to tavv  
CA: do you fantasize about rubbing his horns wwhile he breathes your name or wwhatevver trolls supposedly do wwhen theyre attracted to someone  
AG: ummmmmmmm, h8w a8out........ None of your 8usiness!!!!!!!!  
AG: You’re s8ch a weiiiiiiiirdo!!!!!!!!!  
CA: holy shit you are attracted to him  
CA: wwhat the fuck  
AG: fuck offffffff 8mpora!!!!!!!  
arachnidsGrip [AG] blocked caligulasAquarium [CA]

“Eridan are you okay?” Asks Nepeta

“Fuck off, Nep” mumbles Eridan as he attempts to contact another friend.

caligulasAquarium [CA] trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  
CA: kan  
CA: i might be in the middle of a mental breakdowwn  
CA: normally i wwouldnt ask about all this  
GA: Eridan  
GA: ?  
CA: im pretty sure you had a thing for vvris  
CA: like a flush crush  
CA: but i need to knoww  
CA: wwas that purely romantic or wwere you  
CA: sexually attracted to her  
GA: I Suppose I Was  
GA: Though Many Of Her Actions Have Left Me Feeling  
GA: Sour Towards Her  
GA: If You Dont Mind A Sort Of  
GA: Meta Inquiry  
GA: Why Do You Ask  
GA: ?  
GA: Are You There

Eridan looks up from his computer and whirls on Nepeta

“Why the fuck aren’t I sexually attracted to anyone?” He practically begs out the question

“I don’t know!” says Nepeta, not entirely sure how she is supposed to feel at this moment. Should she help Eridan? He is a friend in need, but is really a friend? She kinda hates him, but for some reason she keeps talking to him? _What the heck is my relationship to Eridan,_ Nepeta thinks to herself. _Crap, I have no idea how to answer that, how the hell am I supposed help with his issues if I can’t even solve my own, crap crap crap, he’s staring, say something Leijon!_

“Uhhhhh…” _Bravo, Leijon, you really looked deep inside to come up with that beautiful response huh._

“What the hell is wrong with me?” Eridan asks, distraught

“Nothings wrong with you… Eridan. You’re just… different? I don’t know, does it even matter? It seems like it would be easier to not feel that way, maybe.”

“Fuck off, it is not easier. What do I do if someone says they want to have sex with me?”

Nepeta puts all her effort into not making a smart ass comment

“Fuck,” Eridan continues, “I just fucking assumed everyone felt this way, I’m a cod damn social piranha. Fuck I’m so upset I’m saying dumb fish puns. Look, clearly some part of my think pan is broken or something. Like the circuits aren’t connected right. What if I got brain surgery, would that make me normal? Oh Jegus, do any of us even know how to perform brain surgery? What if I die during the operation Nep?”

“Eridan! Shut up!” Nepeta shouts as she puts a hand on his shoulder, “there is nothing fucking wrong with you. And even if there is, who gives a fuck? You don’t need surgery because you’re different beclaws news flash, we’re _all_ different. Karkat’s got his bright red blood, Terezi doesn’t have eyes, Vriska has eight of them, Tavros has robot legs, Equius has a broken horn and super strength, Aradia is a ghost-robot-frog. Literally no one is going to hate you because of this, you’re not going to become a social furiah over this.”

“Okay, sure maybe everyone won’t hate me, but I was still fuckin robbed. I deserve to feel all the weird sexual things that you and everyone else feels. I just assumed that I would feel that way eventually, like, after I was in a relationship for a while, they’d just magically show up one day. But, surprise! Magic is fake as shit, and so is the idea of me having sex. This feels so alienating and weird, this is just a lot to process, okay? I don’t even know what to do with this information!”

“Okay?” said Nepeta, unsure if she should leave, stay and say something, stay and say nothing, or something completely different. So she just stood there, uncertain.

After a minute-long pause, Eridan spoke up, “Whatever, I’m fuckin go back to my room. I’m just gonna… process this or something. See ya later, Nep.” And with that he walked off, leaving Nepeta to stand there

\---

Eridan sat in his room for a bit before taking his computer back out and logging onto Trollian.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling grimAuxillatrix [GA]  
CA: hey kan  
GA: Oh Eridan Good  
GA: I Was Worried About You  
GA: You Stopped Responding  
CA: yeah sorry about that  
GA: What Is Going On Eridan  
GA: You Seem More Despondent Than You Usually Do  
CA: do i  
CA: i guess i am  
CA: i dont knoww  
CA: i think nep just unwwittingly dropped a nuclear truth bomb on me  
CA: and im still reeling from the after effects  
GA: I See  
GA: And I Presume This Has Something To Do With My Being Sexually Attracted To Vriska  
GA: I Could Make Further Presumptions But I Dont Want To Be  
GA: Well  
GA: Presumptuous  
CA: yeah  
CA: apparently i just  
CA: dont experience sexual attraction  
CA: ?  
CA: is that wweird  
CA: i mean obvviously its not that wweird compared to evverything all us fuckers havve experienced  
CA: but it just feels like  
CA: like ivve wwanted to be in a relationship for so long  
CA: ivve always vvalued intimacy and the desire to be wwith someone romantically  
CA: but ivve nevver felt any desire to be wwith someone sexually  
CA: evven wwith fef wwho i feel like i lovve so much it hurts  
CA: the thought of havvin sex wwith her  
CA: evven the thought of thinkin of havvin sex wwith her  
CA: it just feels wwrong somehoww  
CA: like despite evverything it just isnt something i wwant  
CA: does that make sense  
GA: Yes  
GA: I Think It Does  
GA: To Be Honest  
GA: Ive Experienced Something Similar  
GA: Though Also Rather Different  
GA: Ive Never Felt Any Sort Of Concupiscent Or Sexual Attraction Towards Any Male Troll  
GA: Only Towards The Females  
GA: It Feels Dumb  
GA: Because I Know That There Is Little That Separates The Male And Female Form  
GA: Down There Its All The Same  
GA: But For Whatever Reason It Is Only The Female Form That Has Made Me Feel  
GA: Excited  
GA: Its Only A Slight Difference In Body Curves And Facial Structures  
GA: Plus A Few Other Minor Differences  
GA: But For Whatever Reason Those Differences Are Enough  
GA: Obviously Its Not The Same As What You Are Experiencing  
GA: But  
GA: Ive Never Told Anyone Else About It  
GA: Not Even My Lusus  
CA: wwoww  
CA: that is  
CA: interestin  
CA: if you wwant maybe wwe should find a pile of shitty somethings and talk some more about this  
CA: or wwhatevver else crosses our minds  
GA: Yes Id Like That

**Author's Note:**

> A fic in which I reveal that I have no concept of how to write Allosexuals.
> 
> There are some implications of a black relationship between Eridan and Nepeta, along with a pale relationship between Eridan and Kanaya, but both of them are open-ended enough here that you're free to interpret either as being platonic.


End file.
